The #1 Question - Socialization

The absolute #1 question I am asked by well meaning family and friends, as well as strangers that we meet on our adventures when they find out that we homeschool is: “What do you do about socialization?”

I almost feel like this question is ingrained in people’s minds. It’s not their faults to have this question, it is perhaps the #1 misperception about homeschooling.

When people say “Socialization,” I interpret them to mean how will my child make friends and hang out with their friends. The other definition would be how will they learn to interact with others... And, surely school isn’t essential for children to learn good manners, morals, how to behave themselves appropriately in different situations — surely, this is part of raising our children, and isn’t something entrusted to the school system.

While every family has it’s own homeschool style and daily structure, most parents I meet and interact with do have a concern about their children having friends. There are many ways for homeschoolers to make friends - they can join the same after school activities, clubs, gymnastics, karate lessons, art lessons, clay lessons, music/dance lessons, etc as children who go to school. They can make friends with the same children who are in school! In addition, there are many activities set up specifically for homeschoolers during the day. In Pittsburgh, multiple libraries have weekly homeschool programs, science centers here hold science lessons twice a week, colleges hold classes for homeschooled children, art studies and pottery studios hold special sessions during the day for homeschoolers, there are co op groups that meet up, nature groups, etc. Many families organize using the internet and social media, so sometimes finding other homeschoolers is a matter of an internet search. It’s very simple and easy to find people in today’s world.

One thing that I noticed about my children is that because they spend so much time with me, I can see HOW they interact with other children, and commend them for good behaviors I see, or correct bad behaviors that I see. They are able to interact with adults very easily, because they are part of my day to day activities. My nine year old son is able to return an item in a store with a receipt... He is able to take care of minor business affairs and budget money because he sees that as part of his daily life.

I remind people who ask the S question that children who go to school spend a great majority of their day in classrooms with children their age learning. They do have time to work together with other children on projects or play at lunch/recess/gym times, however a vast amount of time is spent learning from their teachers. Whereas homeschooled children such as my own, spend more time with their siblings at home. When we go to homeschool groups, there are children across many age levels. My children jump in to help younger kids, and are taught by older kids. They learn how to interact with children who are not in their peer group. 

Part of “socialization” that I hope my children will miss entirely is peer pressure, being categorized by teachers or students, competing with other children to be better than them at something, and any sort of bullying. I want my children to develop a good self-esteem and positive image of themselves, without the need to necessarily fit in, conform, or compete to be better than anyone else. I want my children to be themselves without being stigmatized or bullied. I think that when they are truly who they are, then they can interact without the facade that they think will make themselves more accepted by other children.

I believe that this type of mentality towards social interactions is necessary for them as they grow up in order to stay in the Faith. Because we are light in darkness, we need to teach our children how to let their lights shine in the darkness, and not be overcome by it. What greater way is there but to be there with our children as they learn how to interact with others? It’s hard to imagine putting our impressionable kids into environments that add pressure on them to conform. It makes more sense to help our children learn their place, and provide opportunities and time for them to have and play with their friends. Socialization in this thought process is simply part of parenting and raising our children.

T.E.A. 2018